You know, when you are depressed–you really shouldn’t be allowed to write anything! Yesterday is gone (thank heavens) and the skies are a bit cheerier in my world today! My boys woke up happy–made their beds and headed off to school. My puppy pooped outside. My baby came in and snuggled with me for a few hours this morning. My husband left for work (on his day off) at 4 am and is now home and upstairs! All before noon! It can’t get much better!

It was amazing how just about anything could set the water works off yesterday! I need to remember that my Jacob will throw his fits–blame everything in the world on me–and then come apologize an hour or two later. If I would remember this…I might be able to stop saying things that I end up beating myself up over for days to come! There is no loathing compared to self loathing!! You could conquer nations with the power of Self Loathing I feel most of the time!!
Maybe I should work on that too!!

Do you ever get those moments when life is just too much? I spent the morning cleaning the kids bedrooms. They aren’t too bad because I go in and clean them every week. But I did miss last week–so there were two weeks of build up instead of just one. So I made them all help me.

What a disaster! I was already staring depression in the eye…I should have known better! But we got through it, and I’m just realizing that I really have no handle on any part of my life! I can’t get my kids to listen to me to save my life, I get zero help around the house, I’m literally drowning–and there is nothing I can do to help myself!

I know–I should be medicated–and I’m not–that would probably help! My mom is in Yuma–and goes into Mexico a lot–I may have her send me some Zoloft! I don’t have health insurance, so I really can’t go that route without costing a fortune. My left eye is blurry and I have no idea why. Yeah–I’m just a medical disaster right now! But the biggest problem is the depression! I think I will head to the nature store and pick up some Black Cohosh, it worked wonders the last time!!

Here is to a ‘cheerier’ tomorrow!!

My husband has been put on Lyrica as a hopeful help for his pain. It has really done nothing but strip his memory and his concentration. He’s hoping to talk to his doctor and get off of it. Now…I’m starting to get worried that I’m starting down that slippery slope to Fibromyalgia which is something that my mother has suffered from for years. Currently it’s only my upper arms affected. It feels as though I’ve been pumping weight for hours on end and my muscles are strained. I don’t know much about this problem but when my mom talks about it–it seems like my pain in my arms matches hers (although hers is everywhere), and I really don’t think I’ve done something to strain my arms.

I first noticed this when we were out raking leaves one evening. I used to rake tons of leaves when I was growing up, and I was fine. This time, my arms seemed to wear out a lot quicker. It happened again when I was shoveling. At the old house, I couldn’t hold my arms above my head long enough to unscrew the cornices above the window. That’s bad!!

Last night, after a day of doing nothing my upper arms were so sore. I didn’t have any Bengay (or anything like it) but I did have Vick’s Vapor Rub. I rubbed that into both of my upper arms–put one heating pad on the bottom–laid with my arm on it, and then another heating pad wrapped around the arm on top. It felt so good–but did nothing for the pain!

I’m starting to think I should dip into the Lyrica stash and see if it helps!! Of course, with the loss of memory–I’m not sure it’s a good idea. It’s caused quite a depression in my husband, and I already suffer from depression–so it may make it spiral! Dang…I guess I have to go to the doctor!!

My boys are on their way to their final Christmas present–a Bulls game with dad. This tradition started several years ago Christmas night when, after a superb (read–expensive) Christmas–my boys sat around complaining about what they didn’t get. Real presents disappeared after that. Grayson was the first up with a birthday after that dreaded evening–and for his birthday he got Monster Truck tickets and a disposable camera. He was 6, and this was a date with dad and his older brother to see the show–and then a date with mom to develop his pictures and put his scrapbook page together. He reveled in this gift. And so it has gone on since then. Bulls tickets for Jake’s birthday, hockey tickets for Grayson’s Christmas, Bulls tickets for Jake’s Christmas. Each ticket comes with three seats, one for each boy and one for dad.

The other day I was driving home from an errand and “The Cat In The Cradle” by Harry Chapin came on. This is an odd song for me in that it’s one of my favorites, but at the same time–it nearly always makes me cry. Mostly when I heard it in the past I thought of the child that was born and never really seemed to be wanted by the dad. Having been abandoned by my bio-dad I related to this part a lot–although at the end of the song the dad wants back in the boys life, and in my case–there’s never been that acceptance at all. shhhhhhhh! Maybe that’s why I find such satisfaction in the fact that the son grows up and blows his dad off–hee hee!!-But I digress….

Now that I’m a mom–I listen (and sing along loudly (badly) to the song, and I think of my kids, and the relationship they have with their dad. He’s a work-a-holic and for the most part–all Grayson wants in life is time with his dad. And as I listened to the words this last time–I thought of my Jake. He’s 10–almost to the age when boys don’t really want to chill with mom and dad anymore–and I got really scared. Had we missed the opportunity to really bond these two hard headed guys, father and son, together. And I remembered these little sporting events–and I was amazed at just how much they have done. Jake and ‘the Chef’ have been like oil and water from day one!! They are both hard headed and stubborn–and neither can bear to lose a battle–even an irrelevant one. But the other day, I walked into my bedroom to see my husband sitting on the corner of the bed. One leg on one side, one leg hanging over the bottom, and nestled in between his legs watching a hockey game with his dad, was Jake. This was AMAZING! Even last night, Jake stayed up late to watch a Tivo’d hockey game with his dad.

As I was driving the boys out to meet my husband at the restaurant for tonights game, “The Cat In The Cradle” came on again. And again, I sang; and thought; and for the first time I smiled–my boys have a relationship with their dad. He loves them–he tells them, they know it–and honestly—I think I deserve a little pat on the back for that!!

The Cat In The Cradle

A child arrived just the other day,
Came to the world in the usual way,
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay,
He learned to walk while I was away.
He was talking before I knew it, and as he grew
He said, “I’m going to be like you, Dad,
You know I’m going to be like you.”

And the cat in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon,
“When ya comin home, Dad?” “I don’t know when,
We’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

My son turned ten just the other day,
Said “Thanks for the ball, now c’mon let’s play.
Will you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I’ve got a lot to do.” He said, “That’s OK.”
And he walked away and he smiled and he said
“You know I’m going to be like you, Dad,
You know I’m going to be like you.”

And the cat in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon,
“When ya comin home, Dad?” “I don’t know when,
We’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

He came from college just the other day,
So much like a man, I just had to say,
“I’m proud of you, won’t you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and said with a smile,
“What I’m feeling like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”

And the cat in the cradle and a silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon,
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away,
I called him up just the other day.
“I’d like to see you, if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking you, Dad.
It’s been real nice talking to you.”

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat in the cradle and a silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon,
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, Dad
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

And the cat in the cradle and a silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon,
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, Dad
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

I’m involved in an online reading group over at The Spotted Puppy and we just finished our first book, “Nineteen Minutes” by Jodi Picoult. Let me tell you, it is a book that even after you put it down, you can’t stop thinking about it. Probably because it deals with all of the worries we have for our children as they grow older. In one particular chapter the picked on child has to do a presentation for his math class in front of all of the popular kids. He breaks the class out into popularity groups, and to one of the popular girls horror–he labels her as a ‘bridge’. Someone who is in one group, but can get along with other groups as well. Being in the popular crowd–she was not to pleased about this distinction.

As a mother, I’m thrilled to report that my boys are ‘bridges’. Before we moved here there were about three boys that all hung out together. Aside from them, there were 5 or 6 other boys that could play with them, but just never did–whether it was a friendship thing, or lack thereof, this group of boys didn’t mingle with anyone else. The group of boys include Nick, Alex and Dakota–and all but Dakota are in the fourth grade. Across the street there is Angel, and he is in the third grade. Behind him is William, a second grader–two doors west of Angel is Edgar–also a second grader. Acin and Xavier are second graders that live on the opposite side of the ‘race track’ circle that is our street. All of these boys are very close in age, and proximity–but never played together. That is until we moved in!

We brought with us a fourth grader and a second grader, and within a day maybe two of moving in–I had ALL of the above mentioned boys in my backyard playing with my boys. Football, baseball, soccer-it was warm outside and we had the big backyard that could fit them all.

Now - there are times that Nick will show up at our door to play with my boys with Angel standing next to him. Or Alex will be picking up Angel and Edgar while Nick picks up Jacob and Grayson. Once we even pulled in the driveway and Angel stopped to invite the boys over to Nicks house to play. Angel had never played at Nicks house before we moved in!! I was amazed! Maybe they aren’t bridges–maybe they’re the glue that brought this group together as friends because now–everyone of them play together, sit by each other on the bus, make plans after school. They’ve all been in my backyard playing sports in the warm weather, or in my family room playing Wii during the cold weather.

And THIS brings great joy to my heart! THIS is why we moved here–and I’m loving every minute of it!!

And if anyone would like to purchase my copy of “Nineteen Minutes”–it’s in EXCELLENT condition–I’ll sell it for half of what I paid for it–and I’ll ship it for free! Quite a bargain for a very good book!

He FINALLY pooped! Mind you this won’t be the first time today–and hopefully it won’t be the last time today outside! He really is the sweetest, smartest dog–I’m pulling my hair out just waiting for him to become the amazing dog I know he will be, but oh my–it will kill me before we get there!

Ok–Nevada is 2 hours behind us here in the Central Time zone. So that means that before most McDonald’s throughout the state of Nevada had changed from their breakfast menu to serving up Big Mac’s–Mitt Romney had been declared the winner of the Nevada caucus. How is that possible? I’m a major political fool–and I don’t get around to voting until after lunch!

Now, be very sure—I’m THRILLED that Mitt took Nevada–I hope he sweeps through the other states in the Union as well. He has my vote–he has the vote of most people I know. He is a good man–he is not a quack/fringe/weirdo. We watched what he did with the debt ridden, near bankrupt Salt Lake 2002 Olympics. He came in and not only got them out of debt–but finished with a huge profit and one of the most successful winter games ever. Aside from some off handed French figure skating judges. He’s got a mind for business. He’s got his eye on putting money back into the pockets of Americans. And most important…he has NO intention of subjecting us to the perils of Universal Healthcare.

After all of that said–how is it–that anyone can claim victory in an election at 10:30 am?? However, I wouldn’t mind staring at that man while he gives the State of the Union address…Yumm!